If you are genuinely trying and failing to book a session with myself or any other lady it’s likely you’re making some very basic mistakes. These notes may shine a light on your failings and offer a way forwards. And yes you should send me a tribute or a gift to say thank you.
Before contacting any Professional Dominatrix read their website. Don’t just look at the pictures, actually read the content. Look at what She offers, and does not offer, what She enjoys, what She looks for in a sub. Consider your circumstances, your location, your budget, interests, limits, experience, health issues, sexual identity, and personality and ask yourself are we compatible? Beyond the information provided, Her writing tone can tell you a lot about Her. There are many non-physical, emotional and psychological qualities and skills that one should look for in a Mistress. The qualities, attributes and skills that matter the most to you will be specific to you and your preferences. Not all Mistresses are alike, we have different personalities and approaches. Pay attention to the details that distinguish us from each other. Know why you want to serve your chosen Mistress and be prepared to explain why. Saying ‘because you’re beautiful’ is not good enough. Do you need a calm sensual Lady, a strict old school Mistress, a spoilt Findom Princess, or a fiery demanding Queen to bring out the best in you? You may not know what you need, or if you are a match at this stage, but you will probably know if you definitely aren’t.
Please don’t send your potential Mistress an email asking generalised questions about BDSM or Her services that are easily answered by a google search, or by reading Her website. You are wasting Her precious time, which is never ever appreciated. You’re not likely to get a reply, because the timewasting, and lack of effort in not doing your basic research implies a selfishness, laziness, and even stupidity none of which are attractive qualities in a submissive. You need to remember you are one of many people who want Her time, energy and attention and you won’t get it unless you make it easy and appealing for the Mistress to deal with you. You should understand that the purpose of a sub, if we’re talking actual power exchange, and not role-play, is to serve their Mistress. She is not interested in excuses. She doesn’t have to tolerate you like your mum or your girlfriend might. She simply has no use for the useless, so pull yourself together and try harder or go away.
Once you’ve read Her website if a Mistress piques your interest you could buy Her content, get a sense of Her style, Her personality and pleasures. You could follow Her on twitter and like and retweet her tweets, make yourself useful in a simple way to show you’re willing to do things to serve Her rather than fixate on telling Her what you’d like Her to do to you. Use your emotional intelligence. You could contact Her and ask to book an introductory Phone or Skype chat. This is a way to break the ice and feel out the chemistry before then asking Her if you can apply for an in person session. Play is always much better for having met before.
Most Mistresses have a contact form built into their website for booking sessions and requesting other services. Others will simply provide an email address, and some prefer to be contacted by telephone. Use Her preferred method of contact for booking. This is for good reasons. Boundaries encourage respect. Following instructions show that you are submissive. And you should be aware that discussing meetings or sessions or payment on online platforms can cause your Mistress to loose her account. She will block you in a second rather than let you cost her money.
Here are some basic rules to follow when writing an email to your Mistress. Think of your introductory email as you would any other formal introduction. Unless otherwise specified address a Mistress by Her title and name. Write in a formal polite tone, using the correct grammar and spelling. Do not open with: “Hi”, or ‘I want’ or ‘you are beautiful’. You are not talking to the girl next door, or the pizza parlour. She is not your equal and She will not tolerate an inappropriate tone or a cocky entitled attitude. She is your superior, and your potential teacher and guide. She holds the knowledge that will form your future self. Through her you can fulfil your submissive potential, but only if you submit. You should want to submit and welcome every opportunity to do so. It’s not like you get to talk to a Goddess every day. Consider this simple question and adjust your behaviour accordingly, which dog gets love from ladies, the ones that jumps up and barks, or the one that is calm and rolls over to have it tummy rubbed? Show your respect and your intention to submit to Her by addressing Her properly and behaving correctly. You are in Her domain now. Aside from your tone and attitude its important that you provide the relevant information clearly and concisely. Make it clear which of the products or services she offers you are requesting. Are you looking for a session, or a custom clip, or email training? Make your enquiry specific not generic, don’t say something abstract like ‘I want to be your slave’ this makes it hard for the Lady to process your request, and requires a lengthy response with no easy way of monetising the time. She’s running a business. Use your common sense. You are not going to become Her slave, if that’s what you truly want, without meeting her first, without doing a session first, so book a session or some other service. Make all your interactions respectful, grounded and directly beneficial to Her.
Outline your interests and what you would like to offer Her. Are you a foot addict, an adoring a piggy who would love to spoil her, a mesmerised pet desperate to deepen your love of Her, a cuck seeking deep humiliation and degradation at Her feet, a sissy wanting to serve Her domestically, or a masochist seeking a deliciously cruel sadist? Don’t send her instructions, and don’t expect Her to do everything you list in a session. She is aDominatrix, not a service top, learn the difference. She does what She wants to when She wants to, when the time is right. Trust her to plan a session you will both enjoy. Remember, you are supposed serve Her and if you let Her, if you serve Her over time She will train you and shape you to Her preferences needs and desires.
Tell Her about your BDSM experience. Are you an experienced slave, are you active in the lifestyle, or are you new to BDSM? Be sure to include any experience you have of seeing professional Dominatrixes as well as your personal experiences. If this is your first session with a professional be honest, there is no right or wrong answer, and no end destination point, it’s a journey. She needs this information to pitch things at a level you will enjoy and to work with your limits.
Tell Her your soft and hard limits, tell Her what you think you don’t like, or what you cant tolerate, or don’t want to experience. This helps your Mistress to not push you too far too fast, to keep you safe and to respect your limits.
Be transparent about any health, or mental health issues, injuries, allergies and phobias. Trust and communication are essential to BDSM for SUB AND Mistress. She has to be in possession of the facts to be able to make informed decisions about how to safely play with you and She has to factor them into planning sessions. Withholding relevant health information can endanger yourself and your Mistress. Don’t do it.
Sign off using your name, you would think this would be obvious but many don’t. Not offering your name conveys insincerity, it communicates that you have no intention of making a relationship, that you are unsure of your submission, which means you aren’t worth investing energy in. Choose a name and stick to it, it will be easier for you to gain a good reputation, to get references and to build relationships. All of which is necessary if you want to be a successful happy submissive.
Let Her know which pronouns you favour. If you are trans, fluid, gender queer or non-binary let Her know so She/They can understand who She/They is talking to. You need to know your Mistress is LGTBTQI friendly and aware.
All of this communicates that you are making a genuine enquiry and makes a good first impression. A well – written considered sensible email stands out amongst the many incomprehensible mono – syllabic grunts, long boring incoherent crazed ramblings and flights of self interested fetish fancy that She receives.
Once you’ve sent your email be patient, don’t expect an instant reply. She receives hundreds of emails. She is a busy Lady, all the emails, admin, adverts, travel, tweets, online sessions, paid platforms, photos, videos, audio files and sessions as well as managing those that already serve Her takes time and energy.
When you receive a reply answer all Her questions simply and honestly and follow Her booking instructions. Most Mistresses require a deposit to secure a booking, or to be paid in full in advance. This is for good reasons, it weeds out timewasters, those that cant comply with simple instructions and who are not actually submissive, or are incapable of serving, and importantly it also acts to filter out those who are potentially dangerous. You should be happy to pay a deposit as a simple way to make Her work more sustainable and safer and to make it harder for timewasters and dangerous clients to book anyone.
Now go, follow my advice and make your submissive luck.